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14-Jan-2020 21:57

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My favorite thing about online dating is also the toughest (and most time consuming) thing for me to deal with on my three dating sites: It's damn near impossible to message everyone on the site who's interested in me.

And not because the entire online male population of New York City has the hots for me (but who would blame them?

), but because there are just so many people online, you're bound to get a lot of messages.

First thing every morning, I receive emails from Match, Ok Cupid, and How About We listed new members and matches. My thought is that if I'm not interested in a guy, there's no point in forcing things from the start. "Give yourself a break and remember that, because the stakes are much lower online, people don’t necessarily expect a response from everyone they approach," it says.

Then, the rest of my day I receive online dating messages, winks, and "I'm intrigued" nudges (which are How About We's equivalent of Match and Ok Cupid's winks). That's why I find it interesting that Match has a reply option that just says "No, thanks." Seriously?

And if that's not enough to overwhelm me, I also get notifications when people "favorite" me, and even when "good matches" view my profile! To me, this seems much more brutal than just hitting delete.

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Get in the practice of doing this now with our first message online dating formula and you will get better responses. In my experience this is best done with a question.

Like I've said before, all these notifications make great pick-me-ups on a bad day. It's practically pointing out to someone, sometimes days or weeks after the original message was sent, "In case you didn't notice, I'm into you." But, I did find one profile that literally started like this: "If I make contact with you, and you're not interested, just please let me know.